Rest Part III

This is the third in a three part series on Rest.  To read the first post, click here.  You can find the second post here.  Thanks for joining me!

For two posts now I've talked about why I think rest is paramount and how I believe we sometimes choose to be busy even when it's not what our hearts long for.  Now I'd like to get practical.  How do we choose rest?  What does it look like in the daily grind of life?

Here are some thoughts that came to mind as I prepared for this post:

• Walk slowly.  Sound simple?  It is.  I learned this one from my husband.  He's a slow walker.  Me?  I'm a speed walker.  When we started dating I quickly learned that if I wanted to be near him while we were walking, I would have to slow down.  He absolutely refuses to be in a hurry.  (Incidentally, this reminds me of my grandfather's advice when he was teaching me to drive.  He told me: "don't worry if they ride your bumper; if they're in a hurry, they can go around.")  The wisdom both of these men taught me is this: when you move slowly, you physiologically have a better sense of calm.  Other parts of you (not just your feet) begin to slow down (your thoughts, your breath, the quickness with which you make judgments).  It's really hard to be stressed out about something if you're moving slowly.  Trust me.

• Breathe.  Another simple one but oh-so-profound.  Just ask any Yogi.  Breath not only physically relaxes you - moving oxygen into your system, giving your body what it needs - it also psychologically takes your focus off of whatever is stressing you out and forces you to focus on something simple.  The sound of your breath moving in and out of your lungs.  Out of simplicity comes clarity.  What really matters remains.  That is a restful state of being, a state in which you are only carrying that which really bears carrying, a state in which you have let the non-essentials go.

• Find something that rejuvenates you and then do it.  This doesn't have to be complicated, folks.  You don't have to fight through the "but when will I find the time?" thoughts.  I'm not saying you should go sky-diving every Monday.  I'm talking about picking up a Real Simple magazine and forcing yourself to actually read it.  Slowly.  Perhaps while sipping tea.  Or, take a bubble bath even though the laundry isn't finished.  Or, sit on your porch.  Whatever it is that works for you: do it.  Daily if at all possible (no, that isn't self-indulgent - it's necessary).

• Pace yourself.  This is where I've had the most trouble and it has taken me the longest to learn.  I will move too fast and do too much and then crash and burn.  Again, enter husband: he taught me to recognize when I was doing this and to cut my expectations by nine-tenths.  In other words, if I mentally had a list of ten things to accomplish in a day, he told me to begin to expect that I would complete one.  WHAT?!?  One?!?  That sounded crazy to me at first.  And, of course, it was.  I could finish all ten if I put my mind to it.  But could I finish them well?  Would my family be happy and feel loved after my accomplishments, or would every one of them - including my husband - be in a state of meltdown because I had been pushing so hard?  I may have finished that blog post, polished the floor, cooked the dinner, but did my two-year-old feel neglected?  Was I so fried by the end of it that I had no energy for night-night routine?  Did I get snippy with my husband when he came home from work, all for the sake of getting stuff done that, really, could have either waited until the next day or not been done at all?  Adjusting my expectations and pacing myself has without a doubt made the most profound impact on my ability to walk in rest daily, hourly, minute by minute.

What are some practical ways that you rest?  Not just as an isolated moment but also as a state of being, continually, throughout the moments of your day?

Linking up with Tiffini at Word Women Wednesday this week.  Be sure to check out some of the other ladies' posts!

Rest Part II

This is part of a three part series on Rest.  To read the first in the series, click here.  The third in the series will be live by Wednesday, June 1st.  Thanks for reading!

Lately, I’ve been feeling impatient. 

I have asked God for grace, because impatience isn’t Godly no matter what the reason, but I’m also paying attention to what’s driving my rather harsh responses.  I think the impetus behind them is actually Godly (though, as I have readily admitted, the way this Godly response is coming out is definitely not Godly – bear with me as you read on).

Here’s the deal…

Lately, I’ve read a lot of women’s blogs.  I’ve read a lot of feminine voices – specifically Christian, feminine voices – and I find a similar, recurring theme.  (If you go back and read my blog, you’ll find the same thing – I do not exclude myself from this pitfall!) 

We all talk about the importance of rest - how we're craving it, how we know it's important, etc - but few of us actually do it.  In fact, most of the time, we're actually spending energy we could be using resting complaining about how busy we are!

I know this is hard to do – hard to choose.  I’ve lived (and sometimes still live) with the frantic busy-ness that serves to occupy time and space.

But I’ve also – by His grace alone – lived with the opposite.  During this last year of health battles and coming to the absolute end of myself, I’ve simply had no other option.  I can’t be busy.  I have to rest. 

And do you know what I’ve learned as I’ve said no to things?  I’ve learned that the belief that I can’t say no is actually a lie.  And not the kind of lie that makes me a victim.  Not the, “oh, I’m so sorry I’ve been believing a lie, please forgive me,” kind of lie. 

No.  The kind of lie that makes me the culprit.  I am actually to blame.  The lie is, ultimately, rooted in my own pride.  It is the, “I can do anything,” kind of lie.

Now, I know that most of us don’t consciously say to ourselves that we can do anything.  We don’t believe that we are all-powerful.  We believe quite the opposite.  We pontificate about our utter lack.  We blog about it.  And yet, we keep doing.

This is where my impatience comes in.  If you know you’re tired, if you know you can’t, then stop.  Don’t bemoan your busy-ness.  Stop choosing busy-ness.

Period.

No “but’s”.

Just stop.

What will happen if you don’t?  Are you that important that the world will end (the end-of-year PTA meeting will fall apart, VBS will not happen, your Book Club will be disappointed, etc – insert your own issue here) if you opt out of your activities and take time to just sit and be?

I think a lot of women choose the lie of busy-ness.  For different reasons, perhaps, but to the same end: it serves to make us feel better about ourselves.  It keeps us from truly acknowledging what we often say out loud: the truth that we really are utterly, completely, 100% dependent on His gifts and not our own. 

Let’s not just say we depend on Him.  Let’s actually do it by letting go of some things and seeing what happens. 

Who else will get an opportunity to exercise their gift muscles if I set aside my pride and let her take “it” up instead of me (“it” being leading Bible study at church or coaching my son’s t-ball league or whatever)?  What things will get realigned if I make them less important?  When I make room in the soil of my life, what new buds will spring up?  What will God be able to reveal to me about my heart, my life, my choices?  Will the Body work more efficiently if I’m not trying to do things I’m not made to do?

I think it is really exciting when we let go.  There is so much life and grace in that place.  But I also think it’s important that we call a spade a spade and confess in the process.  For it is, often, quite simply pride wrapped up in a nasty knot of insecurity that keeps us holding on in the first place.

May the God of grace meet you as you sift through your commitments this week.  I pray you have time and space for true, meaningful rest.

 Linking up with Jen and the ladies at Soli Deo Gloria this week.  Be sure to pop over!

Rest Part I

This is the first in a three part series on Rest.  Be sure to come back tomorrow night for the second post.

"Hear it on Sunday"...the word is rest. 

My son came down with strep throat last Thursday.  It's the first time we've had strep (or anything like it) in our house since having children.  For the record, strep is a bummer.

Per the doctor's orders, we gave him lots of popsicles and lots of rest.  Though he's been fever-free for two days, the strep is still covering his throat.  Though he clearly feels better today, he's still sallow in the face and needing much more rest than normal.

In fact, we've had him on a pallot in the living room watching TV and DVD's for three days.

Did you catch that?  Three whole days of TV-watching. 

Does this make me a bad mom?

Don't worry...I only ask that tongue-in-cheek, laughing as I type.  The truth is we've had the best weekend we've had as a family in a long time.  And I think it's because someone ordered me to allow rest.

Like most women, I'm not very good at slowing down.  I even multi-task when I go to the bathroom - reading a book, sending a text, typing an email (yes, the laptop has followed me into the toilette).  I have to make an active choice to rest, to slow down, to not do anything.

And my need to be productive can spill over into the other members of my family.  Yes, I can get annoyed if others aren't moving around me.  If my husband chooses to sit and snuggle with our little ones when there are dishes to be done, laundry to be folded, floors to be cleaned, I can get - well - huffy.

But the truth is: 100% of the time he's making the better choice.  He's making the Mary choice.*  And furthermore, he's teaching my children how to do that too.

It's not that my husband doesn't help out around the house.  And it's not that I don't snuggle with my children.  It's just that, naturally, he leans toward rest while I lean towards work.  Hmmm, not sure if I can call it work.  That might glorify it a little much, make it a little too important because of what it might produce.  It might be better to call it busy-ness (more on that tomorrow).

I've resisted rest over the years for many reasons.  The most fundamental, I think, is learned behavior.  To be valuable in my family, you had to be productive.  To be anything else was to be lazy (which was more than looked down upon or disapproved of, it was judged).  I've had to swing to the lazy side of the rest pendulum in order to learn the difference between laziness and rest. 

Laziness weighs you down, makes you feel bloated.  Rest frees you up, makes you feel light.  Laziness steals life from you.  Rest gives you life, energy, what you need to be productive when the time comes to get up and start moving again.  And if you practice rest right, you're able to walk in rest even when you are no longer resting. 

This is by far the most valuable lesson I've learned about rest over the years.  So much so that, now, if I'm working on something and feel all life being zapped out of me at an incredibly quick rate, I know I'm doing something wrong.  I stop, get to a place of rest, and start again from that place.  Inevitably I'm more productive and more efficient.

So, it's been a great weekend.  I've let my son rest, chill out, completely veg.  In fact, I've let all of us do it.  As a result, we feel very connected as a family.  And I've been reminded of how important it is to give your body what it needs.  I've watched my son sitting still and have lodged that picture into my mind to remind me: even when you start to feel like you're ready to get going again, it's important to keep operating in rest to become fully restored.  We often need much more than we think we do.

Linking up with Michelle over at Nebraska Graceful for her "Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday" series.

*See Luke 10: 38-42.