I'm supposed to write a post today.
Let me explain that: technically, I should write a post every Monday or Tuesday, so that it will be ready for my weekly link-up with the online community called Soli Deo Gloria. Somehow, I never quite 'get her done' that early in the week, so here I am.
Furthermore, I'm "supposed" to write a post today because that's where I hear God leading. I sat down with Him this morning, at my computer, as I do every Tuesday and Thursday, ready to work on my novel. No. Eager to work on my novel. I'm loving the flow right now and can't wait to get to it whenever I have a spare moment.
(Side note: for those of you keeping track, I'm on revision two of my first novel. I've written it, revised it, gotten feedback, and now I'm revising again. This is the best iteration yet. I really like it! Woo-hoo! Feel free to give a little cheer in my honor.)
So, back to my point, I sat down, ready to go, and heard the Lord say, "write a post."
Ugh, I thought.
"About what?" I asked. No clear answer, just the same voice I hear saying in my head, "write a post."
Now I realize that it's rather brave of me, if I do say so myself, to put out there, for the entire blog world to read, that I hear voices in my head. (And what's more, I sometimes listen to them....) But, I figure we all hear voices; we just don't normally talk about it out loud, to other people, who might think you're, you know, unbalanced.
Don't worry, I'm definitely unbalanced. You don't have to wonder about it; I can just about guarantee it.
That might be where I am, but it's not where I'm going. I'm in a lifelong journey toward balance, a journey that involves seasons of pendulum swings, settled equilibrium, steps forward, leaps backward. If I were to claim that I've achieved it, I'd be lieing. I'm closer than I was but not as close as I can be. How's that for clarity?
I seek balance because I truly believe that that's where God lives. Some wouldn't agree with me. They'd point out how radical Jesus was (is), and they'd be right as well. They'd interpret the word 'balance' to mean compromise, 'tolerance' as relativism, and 'grace' as giving in. We're supposed to fight for truth and justice, after all.
Like I said, there are aspects of those interpretations that I agree with. As Christians, we are called to stand up for something greater and not apologize for it. But we can't pretend to understand it completely, to understand Him or this journey called Christen-dom.
Since we don't know everything, can't know everything, we have to be open to other ideas, interpretations. We need to be genuinely sensitive to other perspectives, allowing for the possibility that we might not see the whole picture. And we need to be willing to meet in the middle in order to function as a whole body, not a fractured one.
I guess when I talk about balance I'm not just referring to support, where beams must be placed strategically on all sides of a structure in order to make it stand upright. And I'm not just referencing that 'happy place' between anger and euphoria, where one can receive what the world gives without becoming controlled by it.
I'm speaking about a space of grace where not everything has to fit together and have its place. A space where I can serve a radical, fierce God and a God that pulls me toward tolerance and grace. A lover and a fighter all rolled into one.
Ultimately, I'm talking about a place where I do not have to understand. Where questions can go unanswered. Where the unknown can remain unknown and I can be okay with it.
Balance is a fluid place. Like a tree that bends in the wind, we have to be willing to move in order to be able to stand.
In this space, faith prevails and grace abides.
So I don't have to know what to write about, exactly; I just have to write.
Where's your balance? What does God call you toward that helps hold you upright in good times and bad? Can you remain in a space of incongruities and simply let it be?