This wasn't the post I was going to write today.
The post I had planned to write was complicated, confusing, needing to be unwound. It was taking a lot out of me. This post, by contrast, is simple, clear, direct.
It came to me after a friend said to me not more than thirty minutes ago: "Jenny, I think you need to let go...." She followed it up with specific things I need to release - and I happen to agree with her - but the more salient point here is the overarching message of letting go. As she spoke, it felt like a hard word - in that I would need to change in order to respond - but it also felt blissfully freeing. I could literally feel a weight lifting off my shoulders as she spoke. In its place came a mantle of peace, lightweight, comfortable, soothing.
You see, when I am afraid, I cling. To whatever. I obsess in order to find a way out of my fear. I think that if I can only get to the answer, solve the problem, I won't have to be afraid any more and then I can let go.
As usual, I had it backwards. The point is faith. The point is not knowing. The point is the letting go.
When I let go, that's when the fear left. When I let go, that's when the peace came.
I'm no closer to an answer. I'm no closer to a solution. I'm not even closer to understanding. But I am closer to faith. I am closer to trust. I am closer to Him.
For that, I am thankful.
Sitting on the new deck my husband built for me, enjoying the beautiful spring day, and linking up with Soli Deo Gloria. This is a good day.