I wasn't going to make it here today. It's VBS week (yes, the same VBS Jen has been working so hard on), and I'm volunteering + navigating the in's and out's of putting my kids in for the first time. (For the record, it was not a good idea to be in the same family with my rather needy three-year-old son. Live and learn.)
But I came by anyway. Couldn't resist linking up - I would miss ya'll if I didn't "see" you, even if only for one week.
So here's my brief contribution to the party:
Yesterday was a very rough day for me. Details aren't important right now. Just know that I basically had to face my biggest fear - the one that makes you stop breathing if you entertain it even for one second - and push through. I didn't want to; I wanted to run far, far away. But I chose to stay in the place where I experienced fear (quite literally) and trust that God would step in and protect me. Even though He didn't seem to yesterday, I chose to believe He would show up today.
I don't say this to make it sound like I'm awesome. I most definitely am not. This was a fleshy, yucky, gross process. Nothing pretty about it. But it was also a holy process, a process set apart by God. I don't fully understand why He showed up today but let something that really scared me happen yesterday. But I do know that there is a reason, and He is in the process, whether I like how He decides to run things or not.
How do I know? Lots of ways, but here's the most obvious. This morning, during my quiet time, I heard Him tell me to go check out Psalm 34:17 (this, after pages of telling Him how mad I am at Him in my journal).
"Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,
ready to rescue you."
-- From The Message
What a precious God we serve. Even I, in my cynical, angry place leftover from yesterday, couldn't stand up against that - I melted.
I know He keeps forcing me to face this particular fear, in deeper, more terrifying ways, because He wants to set me free from it. I know that. It doesn't make it easier. It doesn't make me less angry in the moment. But it does make it better. There is a purpose. This is a holy process. We serve a good God.
Linking up with my friends at Soli Deo Gloria. Stop by - you won't be sorry!