Perspective

So, if you know me, or if you've read me for a while, you know that I like to swim.  It's actually the only form of exercise I can do at the moment that doesn't completely send me into the toilet energy-wise.  I can crank a little bit and feel stronger, rather than trashed, when I'm in the pool.  This, I like-y.

Obviously, today's post was born in the pool.  Swimming always gives me perspective.  I get my head on straight in there.  For my best friend, Jen, this happens while running (often, not always).  For my husband, this happens when he gets to do something fun.  For me, I need the pool, watching the lane line pass by, listening to my breathing as I blow it out, stretching the stroke and feeling my muscles expand, contract, reach, pull, expand, contract.  I love it.

Last week - in the, ahem, pool - I had this thought:

"I'm so much stronger than I used to be."

Then came my second thought:

"Wow, I could have totally looked at that differently."

Then came my third thought:

"It's all about perspective, isn't it?"

Here's the basic gist of how that comes together.  In May 2010 I became very, very sick.  So sick that by November 2010 I was barely functional.  Sleep-walking, I would call it.  I had absolutely no energy.  I took long, "she's totally passed out" naps during the day.  I would sit on the couch and watch my toddlers play, helpless to join in the fun.  I couldn't cook, clean, work.  I could barely lift my arms, much less think straight or remember things.  I fell asleep every night by 8 and would wake up feeling like I hadn't slept.  And through it all, the weird symptom that's been going on since 2007 kept rearing its ugly head.  In other words, I kept fainting.

By January 2011 my PCP figured out that my body produces (basically) no cortisol, a hormone that's essential for all life functions.  By March 2011, thanks to a team that included my primary doctor, my naturopathic doctor, and my endocrinologist, I had a plan as to how to get better.  As most of you know, that plan included everything from drugs to diet changes to lifestyle changes (no stressors allowed!).

I started feeling better.  I would have good days and bad days but, slowly, I got stronger.  The change was minimal, however, and kind of depressing, especially since I kept fainting.

It wasn't until this past Christmas that things seemed to shift significantly.  For whatever reason (I believe it's because I removed a major psychological stressor from my life), I suddenly started to feel significantly better.  I no longer needed afternoon naps.  In fact, when I would lay down to take one, I actually couldn't fall asleep.  Overall I felt less fatigued and had more energy, more mental clarity, more memory recall. 

Occasionally I found myself running - yes, I did say running - with my four- and two-year-old, chasing them through the house or around the backyard. 

I kept fainting.  I'm still fainting.  But, it's been six weeks now, and I'm much, much better in all other respects.  So, when I was swimming, and I cranked through a workout that would have left me utterly ravished only three months earlier, I noticed.

I took note of the change and thanked God for it.

I did not think: "dang, I still can't _____ (insert goal here)" or "geez, I wish I could _____ (insert dream here)."

I chose a different perspective.  One of thanksgiving.  And in the moment, I was even thankful for that choice.  Because that's all it is, friends, a choice.

Today, my friend Jen texted me with Numbers 13-14:9.  She said she thought I was supposed to read it.  I did and smiled to myself.  There are many things in that passage that are relevant to where I'm at, but the one phrase that rang through my mind - again - was this:

"It's all about perspective, isn't it?"

So, I invite you to choose to see well this day.  I know you will be thankful for it.


Linking up with Soli Deo Gloria today.  Be sure to check out all these other awesome ladies.